by Cari
When Maureen and I began to write this blog several years ago, my intent was to offer to other women and men on this Life journey some observations and guidance as we encounter joys and sorrows along the way. And, to invite participation and comments. I have a diverse background which touches and often delves deeply into the areas of psycho-spirituality, grief, the law profession, business, and health care—especially how all of these aspects of life intersect. It has been my hope that sharing reflections on life events will be helpful to others.
There has been a gap in my writing which coincides 
with the acquisition of a sweet Havanese puppy named Pace`, a Franciscan reference to “peace.” She has been an unexpected joy in my Life. As she has matured into a 10-month old adolescent, I have continued to move deeper into my mid-seventies and the challenges and joys of this period of life.
One such challenge occurred during annual well visits with my PCP. Although I have managed to reach this point in life with only occasional use of prescription drugs like antibiotics and excellent physical and mental health, I am a firm believer in preventative care, routine tests and lab work. Twice in the last several years, I have felt humiliated when unsolicited, my PCP’s office performed memory tests involving my retrieving three unrelated words said earlier in the visit by the health care provider. Part of this humiliation included a request to draw an image of a clock at 11:00. I was tempted to draw the image digitally rather than as the face of a clock with hands and numbers! At a time in my life when I intentionally enter into contemplative meditation and practice letting go, I felt like I was being graded on my ability to remain linear and dualistic to please government (Medicare) and health care professionals. I doubt if the health care provider understood that I felt like a fungible commodity instead of a human being.
Putting this into perspective, I understand that tests for dementia can be a necessary and good thing, but I wonder if the health care provider considers the context of the patient before launching into such tests. For example, the first time this test was administered, I had been in throes of grief over multiple significant losses (this happens frequently as we grow older) and was experiencing disorientation and detachment from the dualism of this world. I was in no frame of mind to remember three unrelated words and I felt that having to draw a clock with the big hand on 12 and the little hand on 11 was demeaning and counterproductive. In fact, it compounded my losses and my grief. Am I losing my mind too? Am I just some thing to be charted rather than a mature woman with feelings?
Ah, but the joys of life at this stage! Balance is the most important aspect of our lives as we age. Although I continue to work—see and 
counsel clients— and volunteer, it is done with utmost concern for balance and my priorities which facilitate my journey to wholeness:: contemplation, spending time with close friends and family, enjoying my furry friend, reading, and working out at the gym. I have become more acutely aware of the clock that is ticking away and ironically and interestingly, it has given me more peace of mind and focus knowing what I thought I knew all along: that my time here is limited.
I marvel as I reflect upon a long journey from a small town Ohio Valley high school girl of seventeen whose then highest aspirations was to be a secretary and housewife to multiple and diverse careers and paths to where I am now in my mid-seventies contentment. I hear the clock ticking like a heartbeat. It’s a good reminder to live in the present, to see the beauty in Life, to taste, touch and feel it, to grieve losses and know it is all good.
Cari D. Dawson, MTS, MA, JD, www.transitionscelebrant.com
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